Back in the day, I used to stub my toe with alarming frequency. I also used to drink with alarming frequency… but I couldn’t see any connection between the two, and I was rather unpleasant to anyone who tried to point out the connection between my toe stubbing and my drinking.
In the throes of my “fun,” I could be quite belligerent about the state of my toe. “I DIDN'T stub my goddamn toe! I’m fine, goddamnit! You’re the one with the fucked up toe!”
Then, the next day, when I could feel the throbbing pain of my stubbed toe, I would be somewhat more contrite… but not very much. “OK, so I stubbed my fucking toe. What, you’ve never stubbed your toe? Fuck off.”
I was especially good at pointing out all of the times that I hadn’t stubbed my toe, and how I was frequently one of the most dependable non-toe-stubbers on the planet, and how people should be more appreciative of my usual grace and agility.
“Thanks for the advice,” I would say to those who expressed concern about my behavior, “but if I ever need any advice from you, I’ll ask for it. Oh, and by the way, if you stopped bothering me so much about why I keep on stubbing my toe, and instead worked harder to help me keep this place clean, nobody would have to worry about any stubbed toes.”
I tended to change the subject a lot, usually by focusing on things that were much more important than my need to change - things like upcoming deadlines and big problems that were in more urgent need of everybody’s attention. “I’m your best fucking friend,” I would shout, “but if you don’t stop bugging me about my goddamn toe, I’m gonna lose my fucking mind. I don’t deserve this, and we've got work to do!”
Then I stopped drinking. It was difficult, and I relapsed a lot at first. But it became easier for me to navigate rooms - even rooms with which I wasn’t particularly familiar. I gave up some of my pride, and started spending time with and listening - really listening - to other people who used to stub their toes a lot. I also learned how to think about and listen to the concerns of the owners of the stuff I had been prone to bumping into.
I still stub my toe occasionally, but I deal with it differently now. When I do stub my toe, I promptly admit it, and I make sure to repair any damage that I may have done to whatever I bumped into. I also try to be more understanding of other folks when they stub their toes, and to recognize their hostility as a sign that they may need some help like I did.
I feel much better now.